The skills in this area are designed to help you strengthen the following abilities:
- Communicating assertively:Engaging in assertive, non-defensive communication that avoids aggressive, passive or passive-aggressive behaviours.
- Providing & receiving negative feedback:Providing and receiving negative feedback in a constructive and respectful manner to help minimize your own and other people's negative emotional reactions and responses.
- Managing conflict:Effectively negotiating and resolving emotionally charged disagreements between and with workers.
- Influencing others positively:Understanding how to effectively manage the emotional dynamics of a team or group.
Individuals with strengths in this area are:
- Non-defensive
- Clear in describing their concerns and perspectives to workers
- Receptive to negative feedback from others
- Skilled in providing constructive feedback to others
- Balanced in their view of workers' strengths and weaknesses
- Effective at resolving conflict
- Calm and confident in difficult situations
- Proactive in addressing difficulties between and with workers
- Skilled at running group/team meetings
- Motivational leaders
- Able to create a positive mood even during stressful or otherwise challenging situations
Communication tips for speakers and listeners
Communicating effectively can be challenging when dealing with a distressed worker. You may find your own emotions interfere, making communication more complex and demanding than in calmer or more neutral situations. There are a few basic techniques or tips you can use while speaking and listening to improve your communication style when dealing with workers’ negative emotions. They are easy to understand, but require some practice before you may feel that you are mastering them.
Speaker tips
When speaking to a worker, paying attention not just to your words but also to how the overall conversation is proceeding may help you convey your message more effectively. The following tips can be helpful to keep in mind when you are the “speaker”:
- Speak attentively: Just as one listens attentively, one should also speak in the same manner, maintaining appropriate and direct eye contact and looking for body signals (facial or posture) that indicate that the other person is engaged. If the worker seems disengaged or seems to not be listening, you may need to modify your approach and also pause to inquire if you are making sense.
- Phrase meaningful questions: One way to shorten a conversation (and therefore make it unproductive) is to ask questions that can be answered with “yes” or “no.” Instead, try to ask open-ended questions, as this may elicit more helpful, accurate information that may help you understand the worker’s perspective.
- Avoid monologues: Stick to the point and avoid overly lengthy or repetitive statements. We sometimes repeat ourselves when we feel we have not been understood. Instead of repetition, which may seem condescending, pause and allow the worker to clarify and reflect on what they hear from you.
- Accept silence: Sometimes one of the best ways to make a point is to pause or leave a period of silence after speaking. This can allow you and the worker to digest what has been said.
- Don’t cross-examine: Avoid firing questions at the worker when attempting to gather information during a conversation. Tact and diplomacy express respect and may be far better means for learning what you need to know.
Listener tips
Many people listen to others, but only in the narrowest sense…they may hear the words, but they do not actually hear what others are saying. Good listening skills involve gaining a clear understanding of what is being said as well as what is intended by the speaker. The following tips may be helpful when you are in the role of “listener”:
- Listen attentively: Maintain good eye contact with the worker and acknowledge that you are hearing them.
- Don’t interrupt: It’s difficult to hear when you are talking yourself. It is natural to feel that you want to ‘fix’ things or that you have an effective answer. The problem is that if you have not heard all of what the person needs to say, your ‘fix’ may be for the wrong issue.
- Clarify what you hear: Regularly summarize or otherwise clarify your understanding of what is being said. This may help make sure you are obtaining the correct message. It is also important to admit if you don’t understand something.
- Reflect on what you hear: This differs from clarification. Reflection involves showing the worker that you are aware of or understand what they are feeling. You hold up a metaphorical mirror so the worker can see more clearly what he or she is saying and what reactions it is eliciting.
It can be helpful for both parties to attempt to summarize their conversation so that no loose ends remain and both can have a clear understanding of what has been discussed. A summary can also allow you to set a direction for constructive follow-up.
Emotionally intelligent emailing
Email is one of the most common and frequent ways we communicate with workers, and its use continues to expand. For many workplaces, emailing is a necessary part of the job. Although emailing can be an easy and efficient way to deliver information to workers, there is the potential risk of messages becoming “lost in translation”, since there is no accompanying non-verbal communication to give clues about the meaning.
Here a few tips for emotionally intelligent emailing:
- Avoid misinterpretations: Be aware that emails can easily be misinterpreted due to the absence of non-verbal messaging cues (e.g., tone of voice, facial expression, body language). There are a great range of interpretations that we can read into an email (e.g., the underlying tone and nuance of the email message). When writing about sensitive topics, try to envision the perspective of the recipient, and imagine how they will perceive the message. If you’re unsure about possible misinterpretations of your message, ask someone for an additional perspective before sending the email.
- Know the limits of written humour: The recipient of an email can’t see your grin or hear your laugh when you mean something to be funny. To avoid misunderstanding in these cases, let the recipient know that you’re not serious by adding “grin”, “LOL” or a smiley face icon after the comment (if this is appropriate in your workplace).
- Don’t overuse email – know when it’s better to talk in person: Avoid using email for sensitive or complex topics. When an online exchange is becoming too emotional, too significant, or simply too difficult, it may be better to pick up the phone or talk in person.
- Be careful with confidential content: Always ask yourself whether the content may be too confidential to send by email, remembering that messages can get lost or be intercepted by hackers. Also keep in mind that a range of people (e.g., supervisor, co-workers, family members) might also have access to the intended recipient’s email.
- Be aware of the “disinhibition effect”: When communicating online, we tend to experience a disinhibition effect. Without having the other person there in person, we may not worry as much about their response. For this reason, it can be easier to offend someone online than in person. Before clicking “send”, always ask yourself if you would have the courage to say the same things face-to-face.
- Never send an email in anger: When we’re angry, we’re generally much less able to think clearly and act appropriately. It is a good idea, therefore, to calm yourself down before you send an email. You can save your email as a draft and read it again later. Once your emotions are settled, you’ll be in a much better state to evaluate your message and edit it if necessary.
Expressing Respect & Appreciation
Receiving positive feedback from managers can make workers feel good about themselves and proud of their workplace contributions. It can make them feel capable, motivated, and a valued part of the team. They can feel a strong sense of morale and a meaningful bond with team members. Expressing respect and appreciation can be an important tool in maintaining a positive and effective work environment, and can help reduce the likelihood that workers experience negative emotions due to work-related issues.
Workers who feel appreciated may also be more likely to provide managers with positive feedback. It can be a win-win situation when managers and workers regularly communicate respect and appreciation to each other in the workplace. Supportive communication of this sort is a skill that can be developed and practiced. Here are some examples of how respect and appreciation can be communicated effectively. A less effective approach is also provided to highlight the differences:
Situation / Less effective communication:
You are held up by your own work and are late for a meeting led by a coworker. Your coworker has already started presenting when you arrive. You sit down and stay for the meeting. After the meeting, you leave without talking to the coworker.
More effective communication:
When there is a break in the presentation by the coworker, apologize to the coworker for being late and communicate that you value the presentation. You may also want to give a brief and sincere reason as to why you were late.
“I’m sorry that I was late for your presentation. I was caught up with sending off a report. Were there any handouts or key pieces of information that I missed? If you have a minute, could you please give those to me?”
Situation / Less effective communication:
You’re discussing ideas with a worker about a particular procedure in the office, and she makes a good suggestion for improving the process. A couple of days later, you bring up the suggestion in a meeting (along with many of your own) without acknowledging that one part of it was her idea.
More effective communication:
Give credit to the individual who earned it, even if it is only indirectly related to, or a small percentage of, the overall work This type of respect can in turn lead to respect and appreciation for you in the long run.
“Catherine raised the idea of the other day and I thought it’s a good idea because . What do people think about us implementing this?”
Situation / Less effective communication:
You are coordinating a team and members have emailed you their contribution to the work. You don’t provide any response (positive or negative).
More effective communication:
Reply to each member with a quick ‘thank you’ email. No matter how brief, this shows that you appreciate their time. Give constructive feedback if applicable. This can communicate that you care about their work and their professional development.
“Thanks for sending this. Good work. It would be great if you also add a section about .”
Situation / Less effective communication:
You need to discuss an issue with a worker. You start talking about the issue immediately as soon as you see him in the hallway.
More effective communication:
Show that you value his time by checking to see if he is free to chat.
“Do you have a minute? I want to talk to you about .”
“Hi, is this a good time to talk about?”
“Would you mind staying behind a bit after the meeting? I want to check in with you about ____ .”
“Do you have any time right now? I want to hear your thoughts about _.”
Situation/Less effective communication:
An administrative worker has helped you reschedule a few meetings because you have a dentist appointment. Since this is a part of their job, you felt that a simple “thanks” would do.
More effective communication:
Support staff workers often have to assist a number of people and have a lot on their plates. You acknowledge this fact and communicate genuine appreciation for the help.
“I really appreciate you doing this for me. I know you’re super busy, so thank you.”
Situation/Less effective communication:
You are editing a proposal drafted by your colleague. You notice that she did not include a few things that were originally discussed.
You indicate to her that x, y and z are missing and that she should add those before making you read the proposal, as your time is precious.
More effective communication:
There may be a number of reasons why people do not do things as previously agreed upon. You are aware of this and give your colleague the benefit of the doubt. You bring it up with courtesy and give her a chance to explain.
“The proposal reads really well. I notice, though, that x, y and z didn’t make it into the draft. Did you mean to leave those out?”