Conflict response for leaders

Conflicts between employees may be difficult to resolve when emotions are high. Conflict resolution can be intimidating or overwhelming when employees are required to discuss disagreements face to face. This approach starts with private interviews with each individual, allowing for discussion without confrontation. 

This approach works well with most conflicts. When addressing serious violations like harassment, discrimination, or threats of violence you will also need to meet legal requirements. More information is available in Harassment and bullying prevention and Violence prevention.

Conflict resolution process

You don't require certification to facilitate this process. You will need a high level of emotional intelligence and composure.  Competent and objective leaders, union representatives, human resources professionals or consultants could facilitate. In this discussion we've used the term facilitator to describe the individual who's conducting the process. We use the term parties to describe the two employees involved in the conflict.

Individual interviews

This process focuses on a commitment to solutions and changed behaviours rather than finding blame. To begin the process, the facilitator meets with each of the two employees separately and privately. The facilitator will explain the entire process to each employee and fully explore three key questions that are described below. The goals are to:

• Allow each employee to feel heard and understood
• Clarify that professional interactions are required at work
• Uncover what each employee believes is necessary to restore a professional working relationship
• Clarify how each employee will interact going forward
• Establish what will happen if either employee does not honour the agreement. The agreement will state how the employer will address non-compliance. In most cases, it will provide a respectful and dignified way to continue the relationship in a more professional manner. In some cases, the agreement could articulate the basis for future discipline. 

Crafting the agreement

• The facilitator will write up an agreement using most or all of the suggestions that were shared by both parties in their separate interviews. 
• How the parties will interact going forward should be clear and measurable.
• The agreement should not make judgements about who is right or wrong. It should not mention past behaviours. It should focus on future behaviours.

One agreement applies equally to both parties

• Job-related roles or responsibilities should not be changed.
• The respectful and practical ways of interacting with each other should apply equally to both parties in the agreement.
• Both parties should have the same accountability process for carrying out the agreement.

Share separately for feedback

Ensure each employee knows the document is just a draft and the employer must approve the final wording. 

The draft agreement should be shared with each employee separately to ask if there’s any part they can’t commit to and if so, why not? 

The facilitator will make only necessary and reasonable changes before presenting the document to the employer for approval. This step is not necessary if the facilitator is authorized by the employer to approve the agreement.

Once approved by the employer, the document becomes final and is shared with each party prior to coming together to discuss. This means that nothing will be a surprise during the discussion.

Review together for a shared understanding

Once the agreement has been approved, the facilitator brings both parties together. 

The facilitator reads the agreement aloud and both parties confirm in writing that they will follow the terms as a new way of interacting. 

Considerations before starting

Rule out rule

Consider any other circumstances that may contribute to either party’s behaviour. This can include mental or physical health disabilities. It could also include discrimination or harassment. The goal of the agreement is to focus on respectful behaviour, but it may be necessary to consider if there is a duty to accommodate under human rights legislation. 

Plan to check in with each employee throughout the process

These conversations aren’t easy. Employees can be surprised by claims made by a co-worker. Remind them that the goal of the process is to provide them with an opportunity to work in a professional, respectful and healthy manner. If the employee seems very stressed by the process, offer supports, including the employee assistance program if available. In unionized environments, a supportive union representative could be helpful to the employee as part of the process.

Consider other team members who may be affected by the conflict

Check in with other team members to ensure they aren’t being affected by any stressors related to the conflict. Maintain confidentiality of the conflict resolution process when doing this. Understand what the team needs to work together professionally, to help inform your approach to the agreement. If the conflict is systemic or affecting most of the team, use the free resources and broader approach found in the Team agreement process.

Key questions for the individual interviews

The facilitator will meet privately with each employee. They'll then ask the following questions and allow time for a full response before moving on. When it appears the employee has finished answering a question, ask, "And what else?" to uncover more suggestions or issues. Continue asking “And what else?” until the employee says they have shared all they have. This helps the facilitator avoid solving one issue only to have another surface in the future. 

It’s reasonable to allow the individual some time to vent about their situation. The facilitator should avoid agreeing or disagreeing with the employee. This is not an investigation. You are only acknowledging their perspective and how this has affected them, so they feel heard. Once they have been heard, shift your focus back to the question and potential solutions.

1. What do you need to work professionally with this person?
   • Focus on specific, measurable behaviours that'll allow the parties to work together in a professional manner. Opinions, assumptions or judgments may arise in the conversation. Don’t include these in the agreement. Record all the employee’s suggestions from the meeting in a way that can apply to both parties equally. For example, rather than saying, "Joe yells too much," the document could read, "Conversations will be in a calm and clear tone of voice."
2. What will you do differently to contribute to a successful working relationship?
   • This question focuses on the employee's professional behaviour at work and awareness of how it might impact others. Capture all their solutions and ideas for the agreement. Where appropriate, help each employee think about how their own reactions or suggested solutions may make things worse. 
   • If an employee says that they’re already doing everything they can and don’t believe they need to do anything differently, ask them to specify what they do now to contribute to a good working relationship. The answer to this question should be recorded in a specific and measurable manner as it can also form part of the agreement. 
3. How do you believe we should deal with any future issues?
   • This helps to establish a process for resolving future conflict. The employee should also share consequences if unacceptable behaviours arise again, or new ones emerge. 
   • This should include how issues will be dealt with in the moment. This might include telling the manager, resolving the issue on their own, or involving others. 

Facilitator tips and strategies

• Avoid making promises. Tell both parties that every effort will be made to find a solution that makes it easier for them to complete their work, do a good job, and leave with energy at the end of the day.
• Ensure confidentiality. Never repeat anything that either employee has discussed in confidence. Only refer to the solutions that are agreed upon by both parties.
• Preserve the dignity of everyone involved. Throughout the process, ensure that the requirements in the agreement are reasonable work expectations that apply equally to both parties. Make sure they’re consistent with work policies. This shouldn’t interfere with work roles and responsibilities as it focuses on personal, respectful communication approaches and interactions.
• Allow reasonable opportunity for venting. Don’t agree or disagree with any negative or derogatory statements. It can create defensiveness when you disagree. It can create an assumption about retribution if you agree. Instead, refocus the conversation on getting to an agreement about behaviours going forward, rather than rehashing who did what.
• Focus on defining specific changes in behaviour while working. Link approaches to reasonable work standards and policies. Try to avoid approaches that focus on personal characteristics. For example, asking someone to contribute only positive feedback in team settings and critical feedback only to the supervisor in private can be more effective than asking them to "be nicer."
• Avoid forced apologies. Explore alternatives. Forced apologies are often requested but are rarely effective when they are not genuine and don’t address specific behaviour change in a solution-based way. Offer that instead of an apology, a commitment to a change in behaviour will more likely produce the result they want to see. Reframe a demand for an apology into a request for a change in behaviour.
• Ensure that you gather responses that are specific and measurable behaviours. Some examples are not raising a voice louder than normal conversation level, acknowledging the other person when they walk into room, or not making sarcastic comments.
• Seek voluntary personal commitments from each employee to behave differently towards each other. This is usually more sustainable as a solution than enforcing behaviour changes, as forced behaviour will likely only continue while being closely managed. A personal commitment is more likely to be sustained even if the change is difficult. 
• Manage expectations in the face of unreasonable requests. For example, requesting that a co-worker “stop looking unhappy” while experiencing clinical depression is unreasonable.
  
  • Another example is expecting that all co-workers perform at the level of the top performer. This level is often the exception and may not be reasonable for most employees. For more techniques to guide a discussion about performance see Performance management.
• Ask for solutions from both parties. Then prepare an agreement that:
  
  • Keeps language focused on future positive behaviours and solutions.
  • Avoids including past negative behaviours or problems.
  • Focuses on solutions that are specific and measurable, and that have dates for follow up.
  • Includes actions that will be taken by you as facilitator or others that are related to the agreement.
• Write the agreement using inclusive language that honours both parties’ requests and commitments. Make sure it holds each of them equally accountable to the agreement.  
• Share the draft agreement privately. Allow each employee to review and offer feedback before finalizing. It’s ultimately up to the facilitator to decide if any changes will be included, but the intention is to have each party commit to the agreement going forward. This is most likely to happen if they feel that it allows them to maintain their dignity and self-respect. Make sure the employer approves the final agreement. 
• Prepare each employee for the review meeting by reminding them there’s nothing they need to say unless they want to make a positive comment to contribute to the process. They will have already seen and generally agreed to the contents of the document.
• Read the entire agreement to them and then ask each employee: Will you be able to commit to the behaviours requested in this agreement?
• Get agreement in writing that if these changes take place, each employee will be able to move forward in a respectful and professional manner. Make sure both parties, regardless of their level of authority, understand they will be supported in doing so, but held accountable if they fail to follow the agreement.

For employees who are seeking ways to resolve future conflicts on their own, you may want to suggest they read Resolving personal conflict.

Workshop materials

Resolving conflict workshop

These workshop materials help leaders and employees learn how to preserve the dignity of all parties, avoid forced apologies, commit to improving relationships and develop an accountability process.

The majority of content on this page is adapted with permission from Resolving Workplace Issues (© 2011 Mary Ann Baynton & Associates Consulting).