These skills can help you strengthen the following abilities:
- Understanding other people's emotions: Recognizing and understanding the meaning, function and motivation behind other people's emotions and feelings. Engaging in non-judgmental, active and reflective listening to better understand what a worker is trying to communicate and why. Effectively expressing empathy, respect and appreciation, both verbally and non-verbally.
- Managing others who are distressed: Responding effectively to workers who are distressed, or, at minimum, avoiding reactions that make a situation worse.
- Being flexible and adaptable: Using approaches that consider workers' age, sex, health (including mental health), and other differences. Being aware of individual differences when acknowledging and addressing workers' emotions and feelings.
- Overcoming barriers to action: Understanding common barriers to responding effectively to emotionally distressed workers. For example, uncertainty about what to say or do, lack of clarity about appropriate role, lack of organizational support.
Individuals with strengths in this area are:
- Excellent listeners
- Understanding and empathetic
- Non-judgmental
- Respectful and appreciative
- Comfortable discussing workers' emotions
- Confident in knowing what to say and do when a worker is distressed
- Calm, even in challenging situations
- Someone workers seek out for support
- Understanding of individual workers' needs
- Effective communicators who can tailor their approach to meet the needs of individual workers
- Proactive in providing support to workers
Acknowledging differences
When managing negative emotions in the workplace, a range of considerations are important. One critical aspect relates to the diverse characteristics of the workers involved. Awareness of emotions, and comfort and openness in speaking about emotions, varies by sex, age, personality, cultural background, and ethnicity. The most effective managers attempt to understand their workers’ individual characteristics related to emotions and emotional reactions. These managers then use this information to create personalized strategies for addressing the negative emotions of different workers.
Think of a situation in which you dealt creatively with a distressed employee who demonstrated a particular characteristic or style. Describe the situation and characteristic/style here:
How did you approach the situation differently than you might have with another worker who did not share that characteristic/style?
What cues prompted you to approach the situation differently than you might have otherwise?
Are you glad you approached the situation the way you did? Why or why not? What would you have done differently, if anything?
Reflect on the range of differences among your workers, and how you might take different approaches with each of them when dealing with negative emotional reactions.
Responding to emotionally distressed workers
When we see a worker who is distressed, for example due to personal problems, mental health difficulties, co- worker conflicts, or performance issues, we may experience a variety of emotions ourselves: fear, anger, frustration, guilt, pity or helplessness. It is very natural to have these emotional reactions, but they can interfere with our ability to effectively respond to a distressed worker. Our own emotions can have a powerful impact on our attention, perception, thoughts and behaviour. Emotions can be the motivating force behind our actions, and can determine whether we respond effectively by providing support or assistance, or less effectively by avoiding a situation.
Identifying and responding to distressed workers can be a core component of a manager’s role. Since struggling workers can be less productive and more often absent, their impact on the success of the entire team can be substantial.
As a manager, it’s not only important to know the warning signs of distress and possess the knowledge and skills required to respond to it appropriately, but also to be aware of the impact our own situation and emotional state can have on our ability to help. It is important to be “present” and calm when responding to a distressed worker.
The emotional reactions we experience can pose barriers to responding effectively to distressed workers.
- Fear: Responding to a distressed worker can be daunting. Anxiety is a normal, natural response to an unknown situation. Our own discomfort or fear may cause us to avoid or ignore the situation.
- Alternative Approach: Remind yourself that a worker’s emotional distress is rarely about you. Remain focused on workers’ needs. Avoiding a situation may reduce your fear in the short-term, but addressing the situation promptly and directly can be the better approach.
- Frustration, anger: A distressed worker might make us feel angry or frustrated, for example when the worker’s emotional state interferes with teamwork or affects customer satisfaction. The anger emotion may cultivate aggression and revenge. If we are frustrated or angry, we may become verbally abusive (e.g., blaming or yelling at the worker) or act intensely agitated.
- Alternative Approach: Try to understand where the worker may be coming from and focus on depersonalizing your reaction. Consider having a conversation with the worker when you yourself are in a relatively calm or neutral state. Set parameters for respectful communication – both yours and the worker’s.
- Guilt (blaming ourselves): Sometimes we find ourselves feeling responsible for a worker’s situation (e.g., if a worker is overloaded with work). We may feel guilty and might have the urge to make amends or apologize (for the purpose of our relief). We may feel pressured to solve the worker’s problems. For some, guilt will delay taking appropriate action.
- Alternative Approach: Ask yourself if your guilt is valid. If it is, make amends (apologize, take action to resolve the situation). If the guilt is not valid, then think about what other function the guilt may be serving for you.
- Pity: The emotion of pity can evoke ‘rescuing’ behaviour. If we are feeling sorry for someone, we may feel the need to ‘fix’ their situation. This can reinforce feelings of powerlessness or helplessness in the individual. Although feeling sorry for someone may be reasonable sympathy for their pain, a better approach may be to help empower workers to take control of their own circumstances.
- Alternative Approach: Ask yourself whether it is your role and responsibility to help the worker, and whether potential change is within your control. This could be true if the issue is work-related. If yes, then take action. If no, where appropriate support the worker to find other solutions.
- Helplessness: Confrontation with a worker who is experiencing personal problems (e.g., alcohol use) might be more than we can handle. If we perceive a situation as beyond our control, we feel helpless: we don’t know what would be best to do. The feeling of helplessness can make us indecisive and unable to find an effective coping mechanism.
- Alternative Approach: Seek other supporters at work (other managers, human resources personnel, union stewards) who can provide you with an objective perspective on what action may be helpful.
Managers’ personal emotional reactions can create powerful obstacles to dealing effectively with distressed workers. Other, interrelated factors may complicate the situation even further. Common barriers to responding appropriately to negative emotions in the workplace include the following:
- Inability to read the signs of distress: The distressed worker must be identified before we can respond them. If we can’t recognize the signs of distress (e.g., absenteeism, poor job performance, erratic or unusual behaviour), or if we misinterpret the signs, we can miss our chance to react early. We sometimes tend to ignore the first signs of distress, maybe because we perceive them as trivial, or because they are difficult to differentiate from normal behavious. Responding to the first signs of distress can be beneficial from a preventative perspective.
- Lack of resources: If we lack the skills to respond to a distressed worker appropriately (e.g., we don’t know what to say or do, we don’t know where to get help), we might avoid or deny the situation. Taking steps to obtain additional skills training, and seeking assistance from others in your workplace (e.g., your boss, human resources, etc.) can be helpful.
- Our own emotional state/stress levels: If we are not feeling well physically or emotionally, we tend to focus on our own issues and devote our energy to getting through our tasks and responsibilities. At times like this we may not notice a worker’s distress. Our negative emotional state can also make it more difficult to assess someone else’s situation objectively. We may pay more attention to negative signs (ones that match our mood), which may lead to misinterpretation of the worker’s behaviour. Whenever possible, have conversations with distressed workers when you are in a relatively calm/neutral state. Working to manage your overall levels of personal and work-related stress and using strategies that help you self-regulate in the moment (e.g., deep breathing) can help.
- Our own work demands: When we are overloaded with work ourselves, we might simply be too busy to notice a worker’s distress. For example, we don’t leave our office anymore, or are often away on business trips or we may recognize the signs but simply don’t have time to deal with the situation, and choose instead to prioritize our own workload and concerns. If your role includes supervising, managing, supporting or leading others, be mindful of paying attention to workers on a regular basis. Knowing your team and connecting regularly with workers is is important.
See also:
Practice non-judgmental interpretations