Supportive conversation library

Introduction

Welcome to the Supportive conversation library.

We all need help at times. Support from family or friends can offer significant relief. This resource can help improve your comfort and effectiveness when having difficult conversations.

The goals of a supportive conversation are for the person to feel safe discussing issues with you and to understand you’re there to support them.

Browse the list below to find a relevant topic that can help you start a conversation with someone you care about.

Guidelines for supportive conversations

A supportive conversation can help when you’ve decided to talk to someone you notice is acting differently or in a concerning way. Asking about what you see can help clarify whether the individual’s also concerned about their change in behaviour or the way they feel.

Remember – support can mean listening or being there for someone. It doesn’t have to mean problem solving, rescuing or giving advice.

Noticing and validating how someone else feels or behaves can help them feel valued as they begin their healing journey.

Keep these guidelines in mind when attempting a supportive conversation:

Have the right mindset 

Come into the conversation from a supportive stance. Watch out for your hidden agenda, such as wanting to fix or influence the individual. Avoid “you” statements, like “you always …”. They often make the person feel judged or criticized. Be curious and have the mindset that you don’t know anything about their experiences.

Notice 

Notice atypical changes in the person’s behaviour and ask about them. Don’t add your assumptions or opinions about why those changes may be happening. If you’re wrong, the person may be discouraged from continuing the conversation.

Listen

Listen for where the individual feels unsupported or isn’t getting their needs met. When they finish speaking, confirm what you heard by rephrasing it and asking if you understood them correctly.

Highlight strengths

Highlight the strengths you see in the person you’re trying to support. You might call out their courage or persistence dealing with the situation they just shared with you.

Identify the desired support 

Find out which supports the individual wants and connect them with relevant resources. Don’t insist on support or resources they don’t want or aren’t ready to accept.

Create an action plan

Create an action plan with the individual that plays to their strengths. Then, follow up regularly and add more resources when they’re ready. Give a clear timeline or understanding of how you’ll support them.

Preparing your mindset for a supportive conversation

People address life challenges when they’re ready. Ultimately, no one can force another to embrace changes in their life. However, noticing and asking about another’s well-being lays the groundwork to support them on a healing journey – no matter how often you attempt the conversation. You’re doing the right thing by asking about their well-being.

Concern for another’s safety

When you listen to someone who needs support, they may tell you about circumstances that show they're at risk of harming themselves, being harmed or potentially harming another. If you’re concerned for someone’s safety, call 911 to find out how to proceed.

This resource was created with the assistance of Iris the Dragon. Since 2001, this charity has developed and distributed proven health promotion and awareness-raising tools to reduce stigma in society towards the topic of mental health and wellness. 

Supportive conversation topics

Someone you care about…

• Appears stressed
• Appears negatively impacted by alcohol
• Is grieving
• Is coping with separation or divorce
• Appears anxious
• Is coping with a chronic or terminal diagnosis
• Is struggling with job loss
• Might be lying
• Is struggling with anger
• Is reluctant to return to work
• Is struggling with their mental health
• Is coping with financial instability
• Might be struggling with an addiction
• May be experiencing domestic abuse
• Might be struggling to express their gender identity
• May have dementia
• May be experiencing burnout
• May be experiencing racism
• May be struggling with loneliness

Additional resources

• Communicating with emotional employees. These strategies can help you have supportive conversations with employees and avoid triggering negative reactions.
• Distinguish acknowledgment from agreement. When people are told their opinions are wrong, they’re likely to become defensive or shut down. Learn to acknowledge their perspective without judgment to provide an opportunity to have a supportive conversation.
• Helping troubled co-workers. Learn how to help co-workers who’re struggling with mental health issues. Steps are provided to help you intervene while protecting your own well-being.
• Listen to understand. Listening is an important communication skill that becomes even more critical when you're listening to someone who's emotionally distressed. These tips and strategies can help.
• Psychosis and how to help in a crisis. You can help someone who is experiencing psychosis until professional help arrives or the crisis resolves. Learn about warning signs, symptoms, de-escalation and how to be supportive and safe.