Accessible version of Tame your self-talk

Overview

In this module, you’ll learn how to recognize self-talk, navigate your self-talk, value self-compassion and change your negative self-talk by learning to rephrase.

To access the non-conforming version of this module, see Tame your self-talk learning module. 

Below is the transcript for the Tame your self-talk YouTube video.

Transcript

[Peaceful music plays in the background.]

[Visual: Workplace Strategies for Mental Health, compliments of Canada Life logo fades in and then out.]

[Visual: A video of a woman sitting on a coach, visibly stressed appears.] 

What do you say to yourself each day? Self-talk is how we process our experiences, and it shapes how we see ourselves. But sometimes we're harder on ourselves than we realize. 

[Visual: A video of a woman and man working at a cafe, where the woman is visibly stressed appears.] 

Some of us have a constant stream of negative self-talk. It can chip away at our confidence and happiness. The good news? You can change it—once you're aware.

[Visual: An illustration of a person with a checkmark is animated onto the screen and the words “Pay attention to your thoughts” fades in and then out] 

Start by paying attention to your thoughts. If you can, write them down and ask yourself: 

[Visual: A video of a woman sitting at a desk, visibly stressed appears.] 

What am I saying to myself? Is it harsh? Like “I'm such an idiot?” or “I can't do anything right” or realistic, like “I messed that up, but I'll fix it”? 

[Visual: A video of a woman sitting at a desk, looking through a mirror and thinking appears.] 

[Visual: A video of a woman standing, reading a document appears.] 

Is my self-talk critical or supportive? Does it focus only on my faults, or does it show some compassion?

[Visual: An illustration of a scale is animated onto the screen and the words “Be fair” fades in and then out] 

It's important to be fair. Being overly positive may be unrealistic and not helpful.

[Visual: A video of a man sitting in front of a laptop, visibly stressed appears.] 

But most people tend to engage more frequently in negative self-talk.

Ask yourself this: “Would I say the same thing to a friend in my situation?” If the answer is no. Your self-talk might be unfair.

[Visual: An illustration of a heart is animated onto the screen and the words “Practice self-compassion” fades in and then out] 

When your self-talk is hurtful, try self-compassion. Speak to yourself the way you speak to someone you care about.

[Visual: A video of a man drinking coffee in his backyard, looking like he is meditating and enjoying the sunlight appears.] 

Rephrase your negative thoughts to be kinder and more understanding.

[Visual: An illustration of two communication bubbles is animated onto the screen and the words “Disrupt” fades in and then out] 

To disrupt negative self-talk, you can:

• Notice and work to reduce how often it happens.
• Write it down and ask “What evidence is there that this is absolutely true?”
• Share your thoughts with someone you trust for their perspective.

[Visual: A video of two men drinking a coffee on their work break, smiling and talking appears.]

Your self-talk matters. When you take small steps to tame it, you'll notice the difference. 

[Visual: A video of a man driving his car on a sunny day, looking happy appears.]

You can improve your mental health and feel more confident. You might even find that your interactions with others improve too.

[Visual: The Workplace Strategies for Mental Health, Compliments of Canada Life logo animates in and out.]

[The music fades out.]

[Visual: In white writing on a teal background, the following message appears: “Search for other useful tips on the Workplace Strategies website. clwsmh.com/elearning.”]

Understanding self-talk

Self-talk is how we process our experiences, and it shapes how we see ourselves.

What do you say to yourself each day? Sometimes, we’re harder on ourselves than we realize. Some of us have a constant stream of negative self-talk. It can chip away at our confidence and happiness. The good news? You can change it—once you’re aware.

Below are some concepts and skills to help with negative self-talk.

• Be aware. Take note of your self-talk. 
• Be fair. Is your self-talk realistic?
• Practice self-compassion. Rephrase your self-talk.
• Disrupt. Change self-talk patterns.

Your self-talk matters. When you take small steps to tame it, you’ll notice the difference. You can improve your mental health and feel more confident, and you might even find that your interactions with others improve, too.

The words you speak to yourself, or “self-talk,” is how we process our experience. Self-talk shapes how we see ourselves. While self-talk can motivate you to improve, it’s important to be mindful of what you say to yourself.

Too much negative self-talk can:

• Lower your confidence and effectiveness.
• Impact your interactions with others.
• Harm your overall well-being.

Be aware

Negative self-talk is often automatic. Everyone has negative thoughts—it’s part of being human. While self-talk helps us process both positive and negative emotions, it’s important to notice when it may cause us harm.

The harm from negative self-talk is similar to the harm from bullying or harassment. Even though it’s coming from within you instead of from someone else, the impact on your mental health and well-being can be similar.

Do you ever catch yourself thinking:

• "I can't do this."
• "They must think I'm an idiot."
• "How could I be so stupid?"
• "Why can't I be more like them?
• "Everything is terrible"

Many people have hundreds of thoughts like this every day without realizing it. Can you imagine having someone else talk to you like that all day long?

Tracking your self-talk can help you manage it. If any of the examples sound familiar, you might benefit from reflecting on your self-talk. Take note of the things you often say to yourself.

Common patterns of negative self-talk can include:

• Criticizing yourself for being less than perfect
• Being hard on yourself for mistakes
• Feeling defeated before you even start
• Worrying about others’ opinions of you
• Comparing yourself to others
• Complaining frequently
• Assuming other people are out to get you

Remember, negative thoughts are normal. The goal is not to eliminate them completely, but to notice and manage them.

Be fair

It's important to be fair.

Being overly positive may be unrealistic and not helpful. But most people tend to engage more frequently in negative self-talk.

Ask yourself this: “Would I say the same thing to a friend in my situation?” If the answer is no, your self-talk might be unfair.

Where does negative self-talk come from?

While we won’t get into the psychology of negative self-talk that may be related to your past experiences, we know that there are times when negative self-talk can increase.

Consider if any of these might be relevant for you:

• Feeling tired
• Being under high stress
• Facing too many conflicting demands
• Experiencing a disappointment
• Making a mistake
• Going through major life changes
• Facing a new challenge
• Dealing with others' behavior

It’s only fair to understand that it’s human nature to be more negative when circumstances are more stressful or complicated than usual.

Practice self-compassion

Show yourself kindness.

Imagine someone else spoke to you the way you sometimes speak to yourself. Would you tolerate it?

Instead of letting harsh self-talk continue, practice self-compassion in the following ways:

• Think about challenges you’ve overcome before
• Reflect on your values
• Focus on what you can learn from the situation
• Make a list of what you did well
• Accept yourself as you are
• Consider any positives in the situation

Remember, speak to yourself with the same respect you'd offer a friend.

Positive self-talk can boost your mood, confidence and even productivity.

Disrupt

To disrupt negative self-talk, you can:

• Notice and work to reduce how often it happens.
• Share your thoughts with someone you trust for their perspective.
• Write down your repetitive negative self-talk to challenge your inner critic.

Challenge your inner critic.

Challenge your thoughts and disrupt your negative self-talk patterns with these questions:

• Is this thought helpful?
• Is there strong evidence to support this thought?
• How often have I been right when I thought this way before?
• What would I say to a friend having these thoughts?
• How can I think about myself differently?
• Have my fears about this ever come true?

Let's go back to our negative thinking examples and put them into action!

Review each example of rephrasing to see how it can change the narrative of your self-talk.

This or that?

• "I can't do this." Rephrase to: “This is hard, but I can try.”
• "They must think I’m an idiot.” Rephrase to: “Maybe I haven’t been clear.”
• “How could I be so stupid?” Rephrase to: “I made a mistake, and I’ll fix it.”
• “Why can’t I be more like them?” Rephrase to: “I have my own strengths.”
• “Everything is terrible.”  Rephrase to: “This may be terrible, but there are other things that are good.”

Being aware of your self-talk is the first step. It’s important to be fair about whether the self-talk is unfairly or unrealistically negative. When that’s the case, it’s important to practice self-compassion and disrupt those negative self-talk patterns. Doing this not only tames your self-talk, it has the potential to improve your mental well-being and interactions with others.

Knowledge check

See Responses below to see the answers to the following 4 questions.

1. True or False. Negative self-talk can impact your confidence, effectiveness, interactions with others, and overall well-being.
2. What is a helpful first step in managing negative self-talk? 
   • a. Ignoring the negative thoughts.
   • b. Noticing your self-talk and understanding its patterns.
   • c. Accepting negative thoughts as facts.
   • d. Keeping your feelings to yourself.
3.  Which of the following is NOT a common type of negative self-talk?
   • a. Criticizing yourself for mistakes.
   • b. Comparing yourself to others.
   • c. Complaining frequently.
   • d. Reflecting on your values.
4. Which of the following are steps to practicing self-compassion? (select all that apply)
   • a. Accepting your strengths and faults.
   • b. Reflecting on your values.
   • c.  Telling yourself to "just get over it."
   • d. Considering the positives in a situation.

Responses

1. True
2. b. Noticing your self-talk and understanding its patterns is helpful in changing it.
3. d. Reflecting on your values is a positive action, not a form of negative self-talk.
4. a, b, and d. a, b and d are the right choices. Practicing self-compassion involves accepting yourself, reflecting on your values, and finding positives, not dismissing your feelings.

Tip sheet and resources

• Tame your self-talk infographic | PDF
• Tame your self-talk webpage
• Tame your self-talk YouTube video
• Tame your self-talk microlearning module (non-conforming)
• Window of tolerance (for stress) webpage
• Manage anxious or depressive thoughts webpage
• Challenge troublesome thoughts webpage
• For more Microlearning modules like this one

We welcome your feedback on this module or any of our resources. Please contact us with your suggestions.