The idea of advocating for yourself to your direct supervisor can feel intimidating for many reasons. You may have had a negative experience sharing your preferences with a past supervisor. You may be new to your job and haven’t yet had an opportunity to connect with your supervisor. You may worry that advocating for yourself could impact future opportunities for you. All of these are valid experiences and concerns that could make someone hesitate to advocate for themselves with their supervisor.
Rather than calling it advocating which may make it sound combative, try thinking about this process as “coaching up”. Coaches are seeking to support the success of those they coach. In this process, you’re helping your supervisor to be successful in supporting you to do a good job.
Be clear about your intention
If you want to avoid coming off as someone who is weak, whining, complaining or oversharing, it’s important to be very clear about the intention of your coaching up conversation with your supervisor. If your words, tone and body language are focused on a conversation about being good at your job, you can avoid many of the risks of speaking up.
This means that you’ll:
- Begin the conversation with and stay focused on your intention to do a good job.
- Make the conversation about the work rather than personal. This makes it less likely that your supervisor will be uncomfortable, defensive or resistant to your ideas.
- Be prepared with solutions rather than a list of complaints.
- If you’re uncertain of what would support your success at work, review some of the Accommodation strategies for solutions that have worked for others. These don’t have to be part of a formal accommodation process. These strategies can work for anyone.
- Link each request for potential solutions to how it will support you to do your job better.
- Rather than saying you need your own office, you might explain that people walking by interferes with your focus on your tasks. You could ask for a workspace in a corner or facing away from distractions to improve the quality of your work.
- Be open to compromise
- There may be reasons, including budget, policies, work demands or logistics, that make your proposed solution impractical for your supervisor. Ask for other solutions that they feel will support your success.
- Regulate your intensity by taking your time and relaxing throughout the conversation.
- If this is a challenge for you, consider reviewing these resources:
Questions you can use to coach up
The general framework for coaching up requires you to be able to state:
- “I want to do my best at work, and I wonder if you’re open to hearing what I think can support me to do better.” Wait for a response before going further. The conversation may happen in that moment or at a time that is more convenient for your supervisor.
- “I believe that when I’m able to [focus, reduce distractions, improve clarity or (insert whatever you need)] I can do a better job. To help with this, could you consider [insert your potential solution]? Of course, if you have other approaches you think will allow me to meet this goal, please let me know.”
- “I also have discovered that there are things that I can take responsibility for myself that better support my success. This includes [moving away from your workstation at lunch, using noise cancelling headphones, or (insert whatever you’re doing to support your own success at work)].”
- After you’ve covered as many needs and solutions as necessary, you may want to discuss how your supervisor will measure your success going forward. This helps develop a shared understanding of what success will look like for you.
The steps above are a proactive approach for you to get the changes or support you need to help you.
Sometimes you may need more clarity about your supervisor’s expectations before you have this conversation. Some questions you could ask include:
- “I’d appreciate your insights on my performance. What can I do to improve my performance as a member of this team?”
- “I’d like to make sure my priorities are aligned with your expectations. Can I go through my list of tasks and deliverables with you to ensure I’m on the right track?”
- “Now that I’ve completed (insert task or deliverable), can you share what I could do to improve upon the outcome of my work in the future?”
- “I’d like to discuss ways I can continue to grow and evolve to support my future at (insert organization or sector). What skills, qualities, or tools should I invest more time on to increase future opportunities?”
Benefits of coaching up
- Receiving the support you need. If we struggle at work and wait for the supervisor to point out what we’re doing wrong, we may receive direction or demands that just add to our stress. By being proactive and advocating for what you know will help you to do a good job, you’re much more likely to receive the support you need.
- Clarity around expectations. Knowing what’s expected of you by your supervisor can save you spending time and energy on tasks that they don’t care about. Knowing what matters to them can also help you prioritize when you have multiple tasks or competing demands.
- Stronger work relationships. Being able to advocate for yourself in a way that doesn’t criticize or blame your supervisor or coworkers can help support good working relationships. Being able to advocate for yourself without anger or frustration is a professional skill that can be developed.
If your situation is more complex or involves extreme distress or mental illness, have a look at Requesting accommodation for a more comprehensive approach.
Share this with anyone who is hesitant to speak up about their needs at work.
Additional Resources
- Feedback preferences form | PDF. Use this form to help your employees describe how they best can hear and use feedback to improve their performance.
- Dealing with a stressful boss. Check out these strategies to help you maintain your well-being while working with a boss you find difficult. You’ll find a variety of approaches for different management styles and behaviours.
- Preparing for a difficult conversation. You can be more effective if you take a few moments to reflect on your assumptions and intentions before beginning a difficult conversation.